I can’t believe I’m here again.
Challenge failed, or at least stalled… and about six weeks since my last log in on WordPress.
Why can’t I just post regularly like other people?
– A feeling of dread that, when embarking on something (example a drawing), it will seem terrible and pointless in the end.
– That such conclusions will lead to the gaping realisation of my own insignificance in creation.
– As such I favour other, more productive tasks, such as elaborate meal preparation, viewing some extremely dodgy “alternative health” youtube videos and half assed cleaning.
– Willpower made of marshmallow.
– Feeling that to accomplish anything creative I must have, in the words of Louis Armstrong “all the time in the world”
– Realisation that such a feeling can only be the unrealistic product of someone whose life and time have been spent largely in areas that are either reactive (Hello, you seem to have had a medical emergency of some kind, I will endeavour to react appropriately), or hopelessly open-ended (Bonjour/Buenas, I’m learning your language, something I can never hope to conquer as a native child of five might) and never having really produced anything in my puff… even my degree thesis ended up being a deconstruction of a histology department’s own crazy brand of mathematics (it turned out to be not really mathematics, which was the problem) and instead of proposing and testing a hypothesis, I dismantled their criteria for testing various hypotheses. This was a kamikaze move in terms of my own project, but I had unwittingly brought down the projects of two innocent bystanders, and understandably the department weren’t too happy about it.
– Hence I’m nervy about creation, production and all that.
– And have the tendency to become easily sidetracked.
I won’t ask you to watch this space. Even I reckon I’ve go to keep my expectations realistic.
The only useful advice I have for you is not to scroll through “Rats asses” on google images.